Monday, August 9, 2021

The Enigma Drive

 

It’s a curious thing. There’s this essential nucleus to arting, something so intrinsic we can think of it as the actual genesis of each new piece. It’s so fundamental, in fact, we just assume it's always there at full fire throughout the entire creative process and so we can take it for granted more times than not. It’s just a given, right? Yet this critical component is, well…an enigma. With such a critical ignition point though, one would think we’d have a firmer grasp of it yet, instead, it remains a fickle compulsion that just lives by its own rules, unfathomable, untouchable, and untamable. That being so, it tends to meet with an almost hands-off reverence in the belief it’s better left to its own devices so we put this thing on a pedestal but with no real idea of what it is or how it functions. And, well…to be fair, all that’s pretty much spot on. Since the beginning of arting, this has been so for a reason because it is a mystery and sometimes mysteries need to stay mysteries that operate by their own rules. Sometimes magic is just impenetrable.


“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mystery.” 

– Albert Einstein


Yet there’s this whole ‘nuther side to the story that holds some useful insights. Really, if we just grab the tail tip of this curious conundrum and peer at it just a little bit, we won’t dispel its magic but will gain some glimmers that can be helpful for all sorts of artistic challenges from dry spells to battling creative fatigue. Pay attention to this other side then and we access a toolbox of psychological tricks that can make our arting easier, more fun, more adaptive, and even better.


So what’s this enigma drive that generates our art? What is it that every artist actually draws from to create? What’s this magical elixir that has created every art piece yet still remains just outside of our periphery? Why, it’s our inspiration, of course! That initial spark, that mobilizing idea, that exalted compulsion that just pops into us from seemingly nowhere like a gift from the Universe which we chase like a bouncing ball, sometimes with a mania so crazed it can consume us. Honestly, I have to say that even after a lifetime of creating art, I’m still completely baffled by mine. I’ve given it a good think or two and still have come up zilch. Sure, I can say I love equines and list out the reasons why. And I can say I love creating art and know truly it was what I was meant to do. And I can even pinpoint specific concepts or visuals that have inspired specific pieces…I can point right at those things. But as to the how, why, and what of it all — the essence of it — I’m still at a loss. Really, dig as deep as you can, and you’ll still end up in a baffling space that defies intrusion and analysis. 


Even so though, it’s not a bad idea to ruminate on the nature of our inspiration. When does it strike us? Can it be energized into more productivity? Can it be refined into more potency? What’s its Truth? Where does it come from? What triggers it? What’s its nature? What patterns does it reveal? Has it evolved? How does it unfold during the process or does it remain unchanged? Why does it cause us to make the creative decisions we make? How is our style influenced by it? And perhaps at the core, why is it fixated on equines? None of these need hard answers or even answers at all. It’s the cogitating that’s the valuable part. Because don’t be surprised if overthinking gets us nowhere! Heck — actually, don’t every worry about overthinking these things because the curious thing about inspiration is that it resists that in rather uncanny ways. It’s weird. It’s just one of those riddles that can’t be cracked, not really. Sure, we can cobble together some basic hard facts, but try to really dig down and, well…chances are we’ll come up empty handed. That mystery again. And that’s not a bad thing! It’s actually pretty neat! And I think what drives us to art is better left unknown for the most part. Gift horse in the mouth and all. Nevertheless though, it still won’t hurt to cogitate our inspiration a little bit so let’s talk about it…


“Passion is one great force that unleashes creativity, because if you’re passionate about something, then you’re more willing to take risks.”

– Yo-Yo Ma


For starters, just what is our inspiration? Oh gosh, there’s a question! One dictionary defines it as, “The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative,” and also, “a sudden brilliant, creative, or timely idea.” Okay. Another defines it as “…a breathing in or infusion of some idea, purpose, in the mind: the suggestion, awakening or creation of some feeling or impulse, especially of an exalted kind.” Still rather general, but it’s a start. Now with a spin, the Greeks thought of inspiration as the Muses, entities that visit us with gifts of enlightened compulsions that drive us to creative or intellectual new heights. Likewise, if we’re religious, we tend to think of it as God’s grace flowing through us. Indeed, the word “inspiration” itself derives from the Greek language for “divinely breathed into” or “God-breathed.” Or if we’re secular, there are many interpretations for inspiration from the concept of the numinous to genius to “fancy” to “poetic frenzy” to even “mystical winds” to loads more. And inspiration is intrinsic — very much its own reward, it exists for its own sake whether we act on it or not. 


But think about all that…none of it actually pins down its root essence, does it? It’s like we can only describe it by what it does and what it feels like. So curious! So maybe we can frame it this way…inspiration as the ecstatic input and creativity as the driven output — it’s the same incentivized energy. One gives us the intense idea and the other makes it real with zeal. And it happens every day all around the world, millions of times over! So strange that this oh-so-common phenomenon can still be so elusive! And — wow — what a truly powerful phenomenon it can be, can’t it? A tenacious compulsion, an ecstatic urgency, a manic drive, even a devouring obsession. It’s driven people to extremes, even madness, and has changed lives forever, for better or worse. Why is inspiration so important though? Well, as we see around us every day, it whisks us forwards with fresh new ideas that give us new trains of thought, innovations, great depth to the arts, and any number of other advancements throughout human history. In many ways, we can even think of it as the engine of progress and the root of conceptual diversity. Perhaps even more intimate, it has the power to suspend our ego as we surrender to its profundity, filling us with awe and humility to change us forever. And the more receptive we are to it, somehow the more inspiration gifts us with even fresher notions. All in all then, our inspiration simply opens up new possibilities by allowing us to see beyond the ordinary and the limitations we’re accustomed to, letting us realize more of our potential and the potential around us. It somehow blissfully gives us a glimpse into what could be rather than just what is. But as to where it comes from and how it’s generated and why it cooks up what it does, there ya go…still nowhere.


“I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn’t say any other way – things I had no words for.”

– Georgia O’Keeffe  


Perhaps the most obvious feature of our inspiration is that it’s mostly beyond our control. It just strikes when it wants to, right out of the blue and often at the most random times. Sure there are things we can do to tickle it out, but it very much operates according to its own whims. It’s almost like a subroutine working in the background that’s processing things under our conscious radar and then when it comes up with something — how ever that happens — that process jumps into our consciousness with a force like no other, overriding pretty much everything else. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been suddenly seized by some wild idea and had to immediately stop what I was doing to madly jot it down on a receipt or napkin! Or my Hippicorn illustration — after my ratty Rascal passed away, I had a long, hard cry and fell asleep into a nap. Then I woke up a couple of hours later from a dreamless sleep with that Hippicorn absolutely fully formed — in full detail — in total colorized completion in my head and a tremendous compulsion to create it. I spent three straight days of absolute focus bringing him to life and that’s how the Hippicorn got born. He’s Rascal’s creation I think sometimes, not mine. I wonder if Rascal gave him to me as a gift to help me get through the following days adjusting to his loss. Rascal was such a heart rat and I miss him terribly even now, but every time I gaze on that Hippicorn, I smile. Thanks, Rascal!


“You can’t use up creativity. The more the you use, the more you have.”

– Maya Angelou


Oddly enough though, it seems that the more we tap into our inspiration and allow ourselves to be whisked away by it, the more prolific it becomes and the stronger the notions it generates. Inspired arting is just one of those things that gets better the more you use it because once it gets going, it fuels itself like a perpetual motion machine. This is because ideas chaotically cross-pollinate, ping-ponging off each other to spawn novel new ones and every so often a winner pops out. I wonder if this how inspiration comes up with what it does — it’s just a manifestation of conceptual chaos that occasionally burps out something useable. Hmmm. It’s just a creative blender and our brain simply hits “frappĂ©” and off we go. Double hmmm.


Nonetheless, here’s an important thing to know: Our inspiration isn’t invincible, it’s not impervious. It’s really quite vulnerable so if left unprotected or untended, it can crumble apart, fizzle out, even get stuck in a rut. And that’s where a lot of artists get into trouble — they don’t cultivate their inspiration, maybe don’t even consider it at all. Never take your inspiration for granted! Because — hey — it doesn’t have to be there. It can elude us, it can chose not to show up. Many of us know artist block, right? Well, that’s our creativity bereft of its inspiration and so we just sit there, unmotivated and unmoved to create in any direction. But we gotta art, right? So keeping our inspiration energized and engaged — keeping it happy — needs to be a priority if we want our creative cup to filleth over.


“I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” 

Edgar Allan Poe


Complicating this though is the fact that inspiration is unpredictable. While one day it can elude us, the next this wild, crazy, wonderful idea will pop into our head out of the blue, complete and perfect, right? It’s like lightening striking on a sunny day. Sometimes, too, these ideas come in clusters — bang bang bang — shot out in rapid fire. That’s when nearby sketchbooks come in handy to capture them — don’t want to miss a single one! Because that’s another thing about it…sometimes our inspiration cooks up fleeting little appetizers, almost like amusing little fancies it concocts just to play. Or it mulls things over — considering, experimenting, analyzing — enticed to futz around with variations on a theme or different options. Some inspirations just need time to percolate, too, and can cook on the back burner even for years. But every once and awhile, it’ll bang out a real mind-sticker, an idea that, for some inexplicable reason, just sticks hard in your head. It just won’t fade away and may even gets stronger with each passing day…month…year. Persistent. Insistent. Overriding. Some inspirations just have real staying power and when they’re ready, they’ll get so loud we just have to stop what we’re doing to make way. At times, too, an idea may be so complete and fully formed, it’s just a matter of directly translating it into reality while others may be just generalized impressions and so need a bit more fleshing out. Truly, when it comes to our inspiration, there’s no wrong way for it to strike! But why is that the right moment for that particular idea? Who knows! Any which way, an inspiration ready for reality can truly take total control and turn into a blissful obsession, carrying us away on a creative journey like no other. It can be true magic.


“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”

– Vincent van Gogh


Even so, inspiration can be fickle and persnickety, even disdainful of compromises and shortcuts. It truly hates pruning and will live its Truth to the fullest whether we like it or not. If that means we create outside our comfort zone, so be it. If that means we create aspects that take us by surprise, that we even question, there you go. If we create pieces for reasons that escape us, well…that’s inspiration for ya. But while it might feel a bit odd at times, just surrender to it because — as you know — our inspiration is highly adept at fighting us every step of the way if we don’t. But even more, if we do surrender to its lead…oh, the a-mazing things that can happen! 


If that wasn’t enough though, it can be rather demanding, can’t it? It requires us to step up to the plate and give a good effort, sometimes our very best effort. It wants its Truth to be honest, the product of our good faith. Truly, honoring our inspiration takes hard work, but that’s the trade off. If we want that prize, we betta werk! In this way though, our inspiration is critical for our progress by becoming an important mechanism for skills advancement and rethinking old paradigms. In a very real sense then, great artists aren’t just a product of their great talents, they’re also a product of their great inspirations. So while it’s going to take a lot of hard work to do right by our inspiration, it’s beautiful hard work!


I’m a firm believer in Joseph Campbell’s notion of “follow your bliss,” of discovering that thing that drives you from your core and fills you most with joy then throwing your full self into it. Call it Destiny, call it Fate, but I believe it’s what we were meant to do, even if no one gets it yet. Sometimes the rest of the world just has to catch up. But believe me when I tell you, “Build it and build it well, and they will come.” That being the case, I think our inspiration is closely tied to our Bliss, in fact, they may be the same thing. It’s hard to ignore the fact that our inspiration tends to crank out notions most aligned with our Bliss and can even become so fixated, it naturally churns out countless variations without even a nudge. Even when fed radically different scraps, it refocuses everything within the lens of our Bliss. All the more reason to listen closely to our inspiration, right? It’s telling us important insights that can enrich our experience and perhaps even open up new avenues of creativity — it wants us to flourish and to live in Bliss. So pay close attention!


“I make art to show my soul that I am listening.”

– Pat Wiederspan Jones


Altogether then, inspiration does best with freedom and respect so it can take on a life of its own to grow bolder and more confident, flowing unfettered. Truly, with just a bit of care, our inspiration will grow wild and lush and gigantic, with deep, extensive roots and an enormous, ever-growing canopy to shelter our creativity with ever-sprouting, infinite ideas. When it’s happy like this, the more it’s tapped then the more flows out, and usually so reliably that we can lean on it whenever times get creatively stretched thin. That’s to say, we don’t have to have a hands-off, wait-and-see policy with it anymore but can actively scoop stuff out whenever we want like an ever-filling glistening pool of ideas. It’s no longer a passive relationship, but active teamwork. So how do we do this? Because honestly, some artists really seem to wrestle with their inspiration, wondering why it peters out, limps along, or doesn’t even strike at all. How do we avoid this?


“Inhale possibility, exhale creativity.”

– Laura Jaworski


Well, for starters, it’s important to know that our inspiration is directly tied to our emotions. In some sense, we can think of it as our emotions manifested as art which is why we can learn a lot about an artist simply by studying what inspires them. But it’s also why when we’re stressed out or depressed, our inspiration just seems to dry up, doesn’t it? That’s not because we’re incapable, it’s because the fuel has been disconnected from the engine. The point being then: Get out there and get your emotions riled up! Get them fired up and all over the place! Honestly, more times than not, a single strong emotion or even a cocktail of them can spark a blaze of inspired notions and so when it does, let it burn out of control. No, seriously — let it burn like wildfire! Feed it to make it grow bigger and more uncontrolled. Throw proverbial gasoline on it! And — yes — even if that idea seems nutty, even stupid, just let it burn. Because here’s the thing, once our inspiration is blazing away, it naturally sparks new fires because one idea will spark another and then another, growing into an uncontrolled, exponential creative firestorm. And we don’t even have to like that first idea at all…that’s not the point! Rather, that idea will spawn others and somewhere in there will be those that will trip our trigger and off we go. This is actually the ideal state for an artist, to be euphorically driven by an unending stream of self-generating inspirations — and we don’t have to wait around for this to happen. It can be engineered!


“Amateurs look for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”

– Chuck Close


Because too many artists make the mistake of waiting for inspiration to strike. Sure, firing from out of the blue can happen, but that’s only one aspect of its life cycle. So why wait? Yes — it’s a romantic notion, but hey — we have art to create! Because here’s another truth about our inspiration: It loves enticement, of being energized into action, it prefers engagement. We’re a team, right? So gotta prime that pump! Stoke that fire! Grease those gears! How do we do that? Well, go out there and throw food at it. Any kind of food — it’s not discriminating. Look at equine photos, go to horse shows, take riding lessons, hang out with real equines, watch YouTube videos or movies with equines, study the work of other artists, dive into some equine research of some kind…whatever! Or just play around with some loose sketches, learn a new art technique or style, or take up a whole new medium for kicks. Visit museums and art shows, go to craft fairs. Artist retreats, workshops, and classes are also amazing injections, and they don’t even have to have anything to do with equine art. Think about joining groups of other creatives on social media or locally, too, because placing ourselves with inspired and inspiring people can really jiggle loose our novel thinking. Journaling, especially visual journaling is another fantastic way to incite our inspiration and — heck — that’s a whole amazing art form in itself! Or chuck some really esoteric grub at it like poetry slams, music, or theater because these things move us and so are highly effective at boiling up our inspiration. Or more still, get outside with nature. Taking a walk, bike rides, camping, hiking, horseback riding, fishing, canoeing, surfing, anything like that can also be effective in generating moments that move us to kindle new inspirations. Heck, I remember the inspiration for the Surangi series jolted into my head while on a walk around the block! Or go to natural places that ease you like the forests, the beach, the desert, or whatever to get your mind in a more receptive, relaxed state. Oddly enough, too, doing something mundane like folding laundry, doing dishes, or sorting your junk drawer can even trigger inspirations by clearing the mind of “life clutter.” Or deeper, maybe inspiration can come by simply wanting to brighten peoples’ day and to pump beauty into the world. Making people happy can be a wonderful spark, one that we can find especially fulfilling and meaningful. Indeed, the joy of creativity is often amplified when shared!


“Creativity is contagious, pass it on.”

– Albert Einstein


The point is, don’t just sit back and wait for things to happen — make them happen. Never stay safe in a holding pattern waiting for your inspiration to strike — just auger in! Even if you make a huge crater from a faceplant impact, you’ll still have fed your inspiration which — chances are — will have generated new ideas for other work. See how that works? Creative shrapnel! And that’s the real goal with these triggering exercises — generating that shrapnel. And we may not even like any of these triggered notions, and that’s perfectly okay! There’s no law that says we have to act on any of it. The real gist is to get those inspired shells exploding because once they do, at some point they’re going to pop out a winner. So what are other ways we can do that?


“Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.” 

Neil Gaiman


Well, one thing that inspiration really responds to well is being open to experiences and possibility. Rigid thinking tends to shut it down. So think about trying to be comfortable with the unfamiliar and look for a variety and novelty of experiences, visuals, and ideas — seek to be surprised, awed, even humbled. And break your routine — do something out of left field. Inspiration also seems to love information and knowledge so think about delving into research, curiosities, and hurdling down rabbit holes. And perhaps rather interesting, inspiration favors pressure-free thinking so consider easing up on competition with others and shift instead to competition with yourself, of challenging yourself. See, competition with others is founded on comparing ourselves to their achievements and that can lead to more narrow lines of work that dampens, even denies, our own uniquely inspired moments. Really, all comparison does is yoke our inspiration with expectation. Now granted, every so often another person’s work will trigger our inspiration, and that’s fantastic! But if we want more self-generating inspirations on our own, consider pressure-free freedom, too. Most of all though, “a damp sponge absorbs more than a dry one.” That’s to say inspiration flourishes in the mind primed and prepared for it so stay open and flexible in your thinking and expectations, and be quick to think “that’s interesting” and slow to assume “that’s stupid.” So — yes — inspiration is out of our control, but it can be nudged along as well. We can prepare fertile soil, place a lightening rod, or coax it forwards with carrots with all these techniques.


“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last, you create what you will.”

– George Bernard Shaw


So overall, it’s about giving it something work with — ideally with a strong emotional component — and letting it cook up what it wants with those ingredients. No pressure. No expectations. No presumption. Just let it do what it wants to do no matter how much it takes you by surprise. Because when it does start churning stuff out from the kitchen, it doesn’t matter what it is…just eat it! Trust me on this. Even if it’s stylized, green striped, lemur-horses with eight eyes — keep eating! No matter how out of left field it is — just keep eating! Because that’s the thing with inspiration — there’s no making sense of it, really. It just concocts what it concocts, and that’s what we’re meant to be bouncing around. I truly believe that every one of our inspirations is a gift from the Universe, an idea that’s meant only for us so no matter how cockamamie it may seem, it’s meaningful. What a grand task! So then, get to artin’ — seriously, just start doing something creative that follows that inspiration. Anything, no matter how random it is. We’ve already given it the raw materials, the ingredients, right? So now let’s give it the means to mash it all together — it needs kitchen gear! Now, yes, this is a very chaotic way to approach things and there are no guarantees other than a surprise or two. But here’s the thing: Inspiration is a child of chaos, it’s creative chaos, so the more we can mimic its natural tendencies, the more prone it’ll be to show up and deliver. Order, formula, regimentation, habit, predictability — all those things that exist opposite to chaos — can be great tools in their own right, but not so much with inspiration all the time. Really, more times than not, the more haphazardly we creatively think — even willfully haphazardly — the more inspiration can insinuate itself into the process. In a sense, inspiration is drawn to chaos like a lure so think about how to inject uncontrolled thinking into your process. For example, I knew one artist who used mix n’ match flash cards to randomly generate subject matter for his paintings. He didn’t always use those correlations, but what he did find useful were the satellite ideas generated from them that could be turned into new work. Remember — creative shrapnel! When she got in a creative lull, another artist I knew would take a pencil and close her eyes and just draw whatever on a sheet of paper. Just — whatever. Scribbles even. Then almost always when she saw that result, something would be triggered in her inspiration that led her down a path to her next illustration. Creative shrapnel again. And a cook I knew loved to experiment with crazy cultural fusions like using Indian curry with enchiladas or menudo with udon, so think about slamming the unexpected together — you might surprise yourself with how awesome it could be! Silver dapple tobiano draft type with an upright mane itching his hinder? Why not? Ranch horse with a ram-head in red roan sabino twisting in an angry pivot? But of course! Bucking sooty palomino pony with braids unraveling in her mane and a red tail bow flying off? Sure! Okapi-colored Unicorn with a blue horn and hooves with green eyes leaping over a stream full of koi? Gotta do it! Don’t be afraid of novel ideas, even if you think they’ll meet with raised eyebrows, even misunderstanding. You got this.


So make a habit of this proactive approach, of regularly feeding — of literally inspiring your inspiration — and you’re set for life. So always auger in! Fostering inspiration also has other benefits like amplifying our zest for creativity and even our purpose within it. It also intensifies our gratitude and humility, and smooths the conduit between our knowledge base and what we newly absorb. Inspiration deepens our appreciation for the work of our peers, too, by acknowledging and respecting their wells of passion. Likewise, inspiration can keep us in a constant state of awe in the appreciation of that mystery that keeps us creative so wonderfully. Feeling “small” in the face of that great, beautiful unknown can truly be a beautiful state of mind. Perhaps most of all though, inspiration intensifies our love for this exquisite, soulful creature, helping us to celebrate all the wonderful possibilities offered to us.


“Go to your studio and make stuff.” 

– Fred Babb


Now granted though, sometimes our inspirations aren’t these creative storms that come barreling in to spectacularly flood us. Sometimes they’re just a mere flicker, a waft of a wisp. But that’s legit, too! There’s no such thing as an inspiration too small or insignificant. We’ll take it! So fan it! Feed it! See what happens! Because it’s perfectly okay for something to start as a mere sliver of a notion. Honestly, loads of great works have been born with just a slight inclination. On that note, it’s often best to follow our inspiration rather than trying to lead it. It already knows what it needs, what it wants to be, so let it make the decisions even if it evolves along the way, which is perfectly normal. The thing is, if we try to force it into a predetermined direction with rigid expectations, we’ll can run into problems as it tries to right us back onto its own course. So stay adaptive and flexible to how it wants flesh itself out. In a very real sense, I think we exist as vessels, the means to an end for our inspirations to make themselves real. Honor that.


“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”

– Julia Cameron


Also understand this, too — our inspiration can ebb and flow, even when working on a single piece. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a constant sploosh. Sure, it’s awesome to have that strong compulsion constantly at our back throughout our process, but it’s perfectly normal for that to ease up to come roaring back later. Heck, maybe sometimes our inspiration for a piece just seems to fizzle out completely so we put it aside only to find some time later that it’s found new life to carry that piece to completion — days, weeks, months, even years later. Or perhaps not at all. It happens. It’s just that mysterious quality again so go with the flow. Maybe its “birth” was premature and our skills had to catch up. Maybe another inspiration demanded our attention more strongly. Any number of reasons, but it’s all normal. It just does what it does.


“Art is an adventure into an unknown world, which can be explored only by those willing to take risks.” 

– Mark Rothko


Yet even so, there are artists who can create art in the absence of inspiration. Graphic art with its world of deadlines and client demands is a classic example of this phenomenon. Commissions can entail this as well. So yes — there may come a time when we have to dip our toes into that reality to meet a deadline or customer expectation, too. Or maybe our inspiration for a piece will change and we aren’t so hip on that specific itineration anymore, but we’re stuck with it. It happens. Now I’m going to suggest that creating the particular kind of work we do without even a flicker of inspiration is a strange prospect, but it can happen. And we do learn one thing here: Just art. That’s the magic answer all the time: Just continue to make art. Why? Because always remember, inspiration has that funny way of self-propagation as one notion generates others, and often in completely unpredictable ways. But we have to keep making art in order for that to happen. We have to give it the raw materials to work with and the means to become real. When we habitually do that then, chances are we can build a highly-geared inspiration machine that can churn out so many ideas, we’ll get to pick and choose. What a great state of mind for an artist, right?


“You were born to make art.”

– Anonymous


Nonetheless, there is such a thing as creative fatigue. We need to pace ourselves even when our inspiration machine has been cranked up to eleven. When we’re so dang inspired we can barely sit still, that’s a gorgeous feeling for sure, but just understand that while our inspiration runs hot, we don’t. We need downtime. We need breaks. We need time to catch up. We may even run out of creative breath. Again, this is where sketchbooks are so handy because they can capture what our little machine is spitting out quickly, providing us with a creative reservoir for later work. And this will be especially important if we’ve been driven to complete exhaustion and so need to take an art hiatus. Because trust me — take that hiatus if you need it! Our inspiration doesn’t understand that we’re human and so have our limitations and unless we work within them, we’re going to collapse. It’s important then to view our inspiration as a team mate, not a slave driver, as our creative partner, not our taskmaster. We’re things that go better together given that each knows the boundaries. And the great thing about having a healthy relationship with your inspiration is that it’ll fully respect your need to step back and so may morph its fixation onto other things for awhile then when we feel the desire to return, it’s got our back and switches gears again. Curiously too, often it’ll even come roaring back with new life, a new energy, a spin that makes it feel fresh and new again— it’s lovely. And if it needs a little spark, just thumb through your sketchbooks if even to remember that heady energy which can be all that’s needed to ignite a full inspiration bonfire.


“Creative work is a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”

– Steven Pressfield


Yet sometimes our inspiration can get tired, too. When it does, we’ll find that it still cranks out ideas, but they lack that heady potency, that addictive oomphf. They seem more “meh” rather than “OMG, right now!” We can come to mistakenly believe then that we’ve lost our zest for our work, that maybe even our Muse has left us, and it’s easy to get trapped by this misleading deduction. But the truth is all that’s happened is that our enigma drive just needs bit of maintenance and fresh fuel. So first off, give it a break. Let it regroup. Let the gears cool. Even let it find curiosity in other things. So try something else creative, and really, the more different, the better. Like when my inspiration needs a bit of a vacation, I’ll write, or play with beading or mosaics, or make Hammies. I’ll research and study, even clean creative spaces up. I'll sketch more and also like to create more highly stylized illustrations I can turn into stickers, pins, and whatnot. Indeed, the Cave Ponies were born of a realism hiatus. I like to play D&D, Jenga, and board games and mess with puzzles, too. I love to go for bike rides and let my mind wander in its imagination. And I know an artist who gardens and another who dives into bread making and yet another who makes toys for his cats when their inspiration needs a breather. The point is, stay creatively engaged, just in a different, low-pressure way. And secondly, don’t have a timeline if you can help it. Let your inspiration take as much time as it needs since the moment if feels pressure, it tends to recoil again. Let it rest and tease out in its own time — let it lead the way because trust me, it’ll spark when the moment is right. Thirdly then, avoid heaping expectations onto your inspiration when it's taking a break. It’s okay to put yourself in situations that could re-inspire it, but just don’t presume it’ll respond the way you want it to, and especially with a preconceived demand. Relax. Trust that when it’s ready, it’ll step up to the plate, until that happens though, just let it be. No one likes to be harried on their vacation, right?


Sometimes though, we can just get stuck, just spin in a loop. It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? To find that our inspiration seems jammed. Maybe we can’t seem to create beyond a rather specific concept, chronically recreating essentially the same piece over and over. Maybe we have so many inspirations, we get overwhelmed and implode without starting a single one. Perhaps we feel boredom in our art form or just feel like we’re constantly waiting for something to happen. But what’s important to understand is that this isn’t indicative of anything more than an inspiration clog. We’ve simply fallen into a cycle, a syndrome, and it’s not an indictor of our skills or core motivations. Truly, we’re more than fully capable and we still have that passion, it’s just a bit bottlenecked. Our enigma drive just needs a restart! The strategies we’ve already explored work well for this, but also consider this approach: Choose to create a breed, color, pose or something way outside your comfort zone. Like completely opposite what you’d typical do. Go nuts! It’s really hard to be bored when you’re intently focused on something unusual and challenging. And it’s not so easy to be uninspired when you’re surprising yourself in wonderful ways. You really do have so much potential and it’s through your inspiration that you explore it.


“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.” 

Roy T. Bennett


That said, self-doubt can develop when our inspiration begins to question itself, when it starts to falter as intimidation and trepidation creep into its purity. Really though, this is perfectly normal at times especially if we inadvertently pick something a little beyond our skillset or knowledge base. But that’s okay! Given the alternative — of taking the safe route — putting that carrot way out in front of ourselves ultimately has bigger pay offs, right? So the solution is this: Lean harder on your inspiration, asking it to fly you higher and bolder since it really can carry you through your fears. Trust me — it has enormous, powerful wings! And it can pile on a lot more weight behind our effort to bust through our hesitation. And if we’ve fallen in love with the piece we’re creating, that can really help us charge through our worries, too. Because the other thing to know is that if inspiration is tied to any emotion most, it’s love. Inspiration is essentially our love manifested as a creative drive. Love what you’re creating and you got this! And if you don’t, lean more on your inspiration to find something else about it that continues to keep it engaged. Absolutely, every piece has something wonderful to offer us if even as just a distraction or amusement. 


So overall, what’s the solution to being uninspired? Just make art. Worried we’ve lost our Muse? Just make art. Bored of the same ol’, same ol’? Just make art. We think we’ve lost our touch? Just make art. Don’t think we’re talented enough? Just make art. Worried we’ll fail miserably? Just make art. Worried our masterpiece will never appear? Just make art. Don’t wait around. Just make art. Making art is the solution any creative problem, the means and the end and the purpose and the passion of what we do. Yes, it may be the problem at times but it’s also the fix! We have to give our inspiration something to work with in order to make magic happen; it has to have the energy and the tools to manifest itself. Beautifully, our inspiration needs us as much as we need it. This is a symbiosis, a synergy, and one that will lead to such spectacular things if we support each other. So be inspired to be inspired and art on!


"Creativity doesn't wait for that perfect moment. It fashions its own perfect moments out of ordinary ones." 

— Bruce Garrabrandt


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Sunday, July 18, 2021

The Perfectionist Paradox

 


Let me get this out of the way, but really, you probably already know this, right? I’m a dyed-in-the-wool perfectionist. “Hi, my name is Sarah…” <raises hand> From the moment I started customizing back in 1987, I was holy hannah bent on creating the very best work I could to the exclusion of any sort of rational justification. It simply had to be perfect. Go perfect or go home. And I’m still that way, in fact, even more maniacal about it than before because I have 30+ years of distilled, refined insanity behind me. Perfectionism is simply a part of my process now, simply a way that I think when it comes to my artwork.


Yet because of this fixation, I can drive myself to near breakdown trying to get something to “click” — to feel perfect. It doesn’t just have to look perfect, see…it has to feel perfect. Deep in my gut, it has to feel as though this is the way the piece was meant to be, this was how the Universe intended this piece to pan out, down to the square 1/8” landscape. So if a wrinkle isn’t just so — if it doesn’t click — it has to be redone…over and over and over until it does. This is what I mean when I say I “sculpt by feel.” It’s not that I’m sculpting on a whim or loosey-goosey — I try to follow those biological rules to the letter — it’s that each little fiddly bit has to feel as right as possible in my own little perfectionist heart. And that’s a tall order — a piece has to please the Universe, as I like to think of it, and it also has to please me. Phew!


However….


My work isn’t perfect. No one’s is. It never could be. Not ever. Not even 3D printing from a live scan. The only thing that can ever create a perfect equine is Nature. Only the living creature is perfect because DNA always bats last. Everything we sculpt, print, or paint realistically then will be flawed no matter how hard we try.


And that’s the Perfectionist Paradox.


This is something we have to reconcile otherwise we’re going to go mad and even just stop, right? We have to find a way to keep going despite this Sisyphean predicament. How do we do that?


“The most dangerous way we sabotage ourselves is by waiting for the perfect moment to begin. Nothing works perfectly the first time, or the first fifty times. Everything has a learning curve. The beginning is just that — a beginning. Surrender your desire to do it flawlessly on the first try. It's not possible. Learn to learn. Learn to fail. Learn to learn from failing. And begin today. Begin now. Stop waiting.”

- Vironika Tugaleva


Well, for one, we can recognize that the benefits lie in the struggle itself. The pro-active learning, the innovation, the experimentation, the learning of discipline, patience, diligence, and persistence, of discovering how to be kinder to ourselves and others, and of course the grand things that can come with dreaming big. We also place more worth on quality workmanship and intent, on originality and our Voice because perfectionism asks for a new level of devotion that cannot deny these things, indeed, that must embrace these things. Perfectionism also adds nitro to our developmental fuel, injecting a kind of urgency and expectation that drives us to improve faster and in more significant ways than a more casual effort would require. And if we weight the effort more than the product, each piece simply becomes a learning experience, practice for the next. In other words, rather than a period at the end of the sentence, each piece becomes a continuum, propelling us along at ever-increasing speeds. Perfectionism is simply the conduit by which we improve our work to the highest potential we can at that moment. 


“The seed of your next artwork lies embedded in the imperfections of your current piece.” 

- David Bayles 


And that’s an important concept to always remember — “at that moment.” We can only ever create as perfectly as we can in our current learning curve, right? This is why our past work shows our newbness and why our future work will be better. Perfectionism only works in the present with the piece we’re creating right now, and that’s actually a lot of freedom in there, to create in the present. Let go of the past, don’t dwell on the future, just put a full effort into the present and we’ll glean the most out of what that piece has to teach us. And we’ll also learn how to be gentler with ourselves I think — I hope — because if we accept that the moment is all we can do, we can accept a lot more of our foibles with generosity and humor.


And to brass tacks it, too, having some degree of perfectionism is inherent in every creative process. Even the most casual creators have a smidgeon; otherwise they’d never declare “done” with anything. Even if we just slap paint on a piece haphazardly in random colors and call it a day, we’ve still exercised a measure of perfectionism. If we hadn’t, that piece would never be finished, right? By the mere act of establishing some baseline of “this is good enough, I’m done," that must beg for a degree of perfectionism in there somewhere. We have a concept, we try to accurately express it, and we declare it done. That’s an exercise of perfectionism. The trick then is to manage it better so we don’t become a slave to it.


“There is a difference between obsessive perfectionism and taking time to create something that is the best you can offer. Knowing what needs to be better and stretching to improve yourself is what separates the mediocre from the marvelous.”

- Suzanna Reeves


So it’s not perfectionism itself that’s a potential problem, it’s how we relate to it that can spin it out of control. But that’s good, yes? This dynamic puts the power back into our hands because if the issue really is us, we can change our relationship to realign back to its benefits. How do we do that?


Well, fully accept that none of our work will be perfect, for one. We have to fully realize that and, in fact, revel in it. Instead, meditate on this: That anyone takes up tool or brush to create anything wholly new from their heart is a miracle in itself. The artistic act is one of such beauty and power and mystery, it’s a marvel every time it happens. Think about it — it’s the Universe recreating its own dreams for reals. Pretty amazing stuff! So to see the profound magic in creating is to recognize where its true worth is to be found. Hold onto that. 


Also fully realize that we’re going to be terrible at what we’re doing when we learn something new. Sure different people can have a higher baseline — what we’d refer to as “natural talent” — but in the beginning, we’re all struggling. And some may struggle more and longer than others because not everyone learns in the same way or speed. But that’s not the point, right? The point is to get a little bit better with each piece, to learn from our mistakes, to vet new methods and concepts, to stretch our expectations and ideas, to rethink and reevaluate, to do all those things involved in what we’d think of as “improvement.” When we do this, we’re going to learn more than just about arting, even better, we’re going to learn a lot about ourselves. To art then is to also and inevitably engage in a journey of self-discovery as we explore what we’re made of and what moves us. We are the process and our piece is simply the pathway. So one of the ways we get into trouble then is forgetting these things and framing our piece as something so unreachable at that moment, we’re just setting ourselves up for failure. Baby steps! Maybe have one or two big — but simple — goals for each new piece and leave the rest for later. We usually aren’t ready for all the information at once — things take time to process and grow into each other. Improvement is better achieved with building blocks and happy surprises than with unrealistic goals out of sync with our current skills. Small bites, well chewed. Yes — we all want to be creating at the level of that amazing artist we admire, but just remember their abilities took years of very hard work, sacrifice, and emotional investment to develop — they had to go through the hard won process of improvement and so do we. We’ll be far more invested in our efforts and successes through this as well.


Also understand that our work is the sum of its good points and the sum of its quirks — just like us. In many ways, those quirks contribute to our artistic style which, of course, plays so well into the distinctiveness of our art. Now we may work to mediate these quirks to achieve more technical realism in this clinical art form — as is the prime directive — and this is exactly how we gauge improvement. How close to the real deal can we get? Well, we pluck out ever more quirks, leaving the technicalities behind. But even if we get super, nutty close, quirks will still be present to make our work as unique as a fingerprint. And that’s actually a pretty cool thing! Hey — if all our work looked the same, wouldn’t our genre lose some of its flavor? And if the equine means so many different things to each of us, wouldn’t having different ways of expressing this splendid creature also appeal to those different aesthetics and prerogatives? There’s strength and vibrance in diversity! Quirks aren’t such a bad thing, are they? Well, given they don’t compromise things too much, of course.


Reset our motivations. Arting must first be joyful — it must fulfill us in a positive, inspiring way, or we’ll stop. Always — always — focus on the fun! And this joy is rooted in love — we must love what we’re doing or we’ll stop. All inspiration, all process, all effort, all sacrifice is rooted in this and what actually gets a piece finished. Stay centered on this, no matter what. Even when we want to throw the piece into a dumpster and set it on fire, stay centered on this. And well, on the flip side that level of extreme emotion speaks to our dedication and passion, right? And it’s already showing us “the way home” to quote Elizabeth Gilbert. So always follow those breadcrumbs back. Try to stoke our fires with that clean-burning love rather than impossible perfection and we’ll stay on track. And this is so important to lean on because…


Perfection is immensely intimidating, so much so it can even shut us down before we start! In this way, perfectionism can be a self-fulling trap and the only way out is to accept that perfection isn’t the endgame, it’s a means to an end. It’s a light to follow but one we’ll never catch…and that’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes! Everyone is creating imperfect work! If they’re okay with that, maybe we can be too, yes? And always — always — remember that imperfection in our work isn’t a personal reflection on us. It’s not a failure of our character but merely an inevitability of being human. And that’s not such a bad thing is it? It’s actually rather beautiful when you think about it — our frail but hopeful humanity has such passion for its Vision that we work to bring it into existence with all the effort, emotion, and sacrifice that requires. It’s an act of love and devotion and joy! Embrace that and worry about perfection later and in proper context…and just start. Let the joy of creating a new piece sweep you away and fall in love with it. People ask often ask me what’s my favorite piece, and well…it’s the piece I’m working on right now!


“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.” 

- William Faulkner


Recognize that perfectionism has a tricky way of exhausting our Eye and so can ramp up a false sense of frustration quickly. That’s to say, by fixating on things too long, because we want things to be perfect, we exhaust our Eye and so areas of our piece that are actually fine will start to look weird, unfamiliar, and incorrect. Sometimes the effect is so strong, the entire piece can be distorted in this way. What’s the inevitable outcome? We’ll just end up spinning our wheels with never-ending “corrections,” getting ever more exhausted and upset since we’ve simply fixated on things too long. This is to expected though when chasing perfection which is why there are many workarounds such as putting the piece aside for a time to “fresh Eye” it later or a more diligent use of calipers to do more “Seeing” for us. Diving into more references and research is another. Artistic exercises such as sketching, practicing and exploring alignments, planes, and anatomical structure can be helpful here as well. Looking at our piece backwards in a mirror is a very handy trick, too. Playing our with photos of our piece in a photo editing program like Photoshop is yet another, and a particularly useful one. If we can get our Eyes to look at the issues in another way, that often helps break the cycle. But ultimately, we also have to know when to say “enough.” When we let the Universe decide for us and let things just be. Because here’s the thing: This is a cycle, almost a syndrome, a fixation. Sure, there can be areas that bug us — that’s part of the process of finishing our piece — but this can spin out of control into a cycle that will trap us with false errors, so be vigilant. There’s a big difference between getting stuck on a piece because of a knowledge or skill gap and getting stuck because we’ve gotten lost in our process.


“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.” 

- BrenĂ© Brown 


Understand that perfectionism can become a form of procrastination, can’t it? It’s an impossible goal, so what better excuse to not even start in the first place. Really, if we aren’t creating, we aren’t making mistakes, right? But if we accept that everything we do will be imperfect, we’ve opened ourselves to the possibility of creating beyond our expectations with a happy surprise, a moment of serendipitous learning that often just appears like a gift from the Universe. And that’s what a lot of folks don’t know — some of our progress comes unexpectedly, out of the blue often through a mistake or a sudden new way of thinking or Seeing. If we aren’t working though, we’re actually denying ourselves of this very real potential — because it will happen, but only if we give it a chance to happen. So get out there and take epic imperfect actions with every piece!


“Too many people spend too much time trying to perfect something before they actually do it. Instead of waiting for perfection, run with what you got, and fix it along the way…”

- Paul Arden


Likewise, beware that perfectionism can turn into a form of avoidance, a manifestation of fear. Setting this lofty goal for ourselves is great and all, but it can be very intimidating if it’s blown out of proportion. We avoid this mistake by learning to set challenging goals that are still within our grasp, and we only learn what’s chewable with experience— so keep doing! Creative honesty with ourselves is so important because it actually helps plot out a path for progress that doesn’t only make sense to us, but gives us reachable baby steps that result in tangible success that builds our confidence. And with confidence we build competence and with competence we go where we want to go. Likewise, if we hit a wall, please don't assume then that it was because we're inherently incapable! That this is a clear example of how our fears were right the whole time! No. It simply means we bit off more than we can chew for right now so simply set it aside to allow our knowledge base to catch up later. That's all. No biggie. It happens. I've done it several times! So work on other pieces, do some artistic exercises and research, play around with other things...let those subroutines do their job. 


“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” 

- Michael Law


Yet how do we gauge “perfect”? When do we know when something actually is our idea of “perfect”? Every artist has a different way to go about this so there isn’t one way. As for myself, I know when to call “done” when every bit of a piece cannot be finagled any further. When every tool stroke that could ever be applied has been applied, when no part asks for just a little bit more tweaking. When things are “just right” and it all fits together and falls in place. In short, when it feels done. It’s a mysterious state for sure — ambiguous and hard to pin down — but an artist just knows when a piece is done perfectly. It’s a magical moment, really. However, it’s a dangerous moment too because this is exactly where perfectionism can careen way out of control to keep us fiddling to overwork the piece. Yes — overworking is a thing. A very real thing. If ever I learned something after 30 years of sculpting, it’s knowing when to stop to better avoid overworking an area. Really, more times than not, our initial impulses — our first few tool strokes — are the better choices and so “improving” them with fiddling can refine them into a diluted or muddled version of themselves and they lose their organic quality, clarity, energy, and power. I can’t tell you how many times I ruined an area, even an entire piece, by overworking it! Go with your gut, flow with the energy, and learn to keep that energy contained in each tool stroke even if that means backing away and leaving it be. Trust the process! It’ll all come together later, and if that area still bugs you, address it then. See, if we get stuck in one place trying to perfect it — and probably overworking it — we’re going to hit a wall of exasperation. We become too focused on one aspect and we lose sight of the big picture. Keep things in perspective! If some area is bugging you — that’s okay, it happens all the time! Just keep going, move onto other areas, let the piece come together more as a whole then re-evaluate. Because I also cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to redo an area I loved because it was part of a larger correction that had to erase it! Everything we do now can be redone later if we so choose, that’s the beauty of artistic creation. Whatever we do, we can undo and redo at any time so don’t let unchecked perfectionism distract you.


“Perfect” also means different things to different people. Indeed, what is “perfect”? Sometimes not even the artist knows! And sometimes the artist doesn’t even see the exceptional work they created but fixate on those parts they believe are flawed. “Perfect” can be so subjective! And it can be so invisible. And here’s a crazy thing about perfection — the more “perfect” an area is, the more invisible it becomes! That’s to say, it lacks the big errors that would make it jump out at us. Oh, the irony! Now that does beg this: If that’s the case, then by definition “perfect” must mean that a piece matches the real thing so closely in structural features and coloration and effect, side-by-side photos would create complete confusion. And let's be real here — pun intended — that’s true. That’s the goal right? Photo-realistic equines in 3D? However, we’re also talking about art, and art is a big messy amalgam of style, technique, innovation, motivations, imagination, and possibility. Will we produce photo-realistic pieces? We’ll get darn close! Will everyone value them the same as “perfect”? No. See, what may be perfect to one person may be flawed to another, and all dependent on where we are in a learning curve. There’s also the component of personal taste and aesthetic, and of different goals and motivations. And we all know the adage, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” right? So no matter how perfect we think we’ve made something — and even if it is objectively darn near perfect — someone out there won’t hold to that…and so be it. They’re simply at a different point in a learning curve or have different aesthetics or goals. Conversely, we may believe something we’ve done is pretty well perfect, but an unknown blindspot has actually shot us off our mark right under our radar, and someone else without that blindspot will spot it quickly. Or perhaps they have a blindspot that interprets what we have right as wrong! What does this mean? That “perfection” is a concept that’s inherently flawed because humans are flawed and so evaluating perfection is flawed. So learn to stop chasing it when it ceases to serve us. Perfectionism can so quickly turn into tilting at windmills if we let it take over, so keep it centered as the process, not the purpose.


Likewise, “perfectionism” can mean different things to different people, too. What is it exactly? Think about it — how does one define the state of “perfection” when everything we create is inherently imperfect? And is perfectionism inherently good or bad? Because there are plenty of people out there who think perfectionism is awesome and plenty who think perfectionism is evil incarnate, and so there’s plenty of conflicting ideas about where it belongs in our arting. So while many may think it’s creating a piece without flaws, that’s really just one facet of what it can mean to us. It’s also one focused entirely on the end product rather than the process. So can perfectionism be about different things? Is it reaching our goal? Is it learning something new? Is it conquering a challenge? Is it achieving a state of clear in a joyful process? And what about the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi? Or on the other hand, the Japanese concepts of Dō or kaizen? Many times it’s the act of striving that’s all the perfection needed!


There’s this to think about, too: Is the state of being “perfect” actually a real thing then, or is it a subjective ideal we simply construct to have a goal? In a sense, yes to both, at the same time. That’s the funny thing about perfection, it’s both a real thing and an arbitrary concept, and oddly enough, especially when it comes to realism. If we “know our stuff” we can clearly see when a piece has more technically correct areas and when it doesn’t. The technicalities of realism simply give us more objective baselines for comparison. Simply put, the living animal is our objective goal of perfection. He’s real, he’s factual, he’s tangible. Likewise for artistic technique in our art form because sloppy methods or newb mistakes aren’t always so easy to overlook. Yet on the other hand, even a hypothetically truly perfect piece won’t be to quite a few people who’ll find flaw with it somehow for their own reasons influenced by differences in their knowledge bases, aesthetics, and prerogatives. For example, many of those fabulous hair-by-hair flatwork paintings of fuzzy animals could easily fool us at first glance. But to me, some can look forced because of the introduced error of regimentation and artifice in areas when instead, nature is defined by “organic chaos,” a quality excruciatingly difficult for the human brain to mimic, especially when it comes to repetitive actions like painting hair-by-hair. Even a snowflake is “messy” under magnification compared to how perfect they’re so often rendered in art. Then consider the issue of scale and proportion, which can throw things off, even subtly. A pencil can only get so sharp or a paintbrush so fine. And I remember being rather creeped out at Madame Tussauds because while those wax figures sure looked real (and were technically stunning), they weren’t quite in that unique way close calls can miss. So to me, some of these things careen into the Uncanny Valley rather than serve as examples of abject perfection. Again — everyone is different! And conversely, we’ve all seen the flawed piece showered with kudos as “perfect,” too. For instance, someone’s sculpture of a lion may look so real to my eye because I’m no expert in lion-ness, but when that same artist sculpts a horse, I See errors so I know that lion also has flaws only I’m blind to them. Wrap it all up then and curiously perfection is a real thing as embodied in the living animal but also a fantasy since everyone Sees that animal differently. Now one could argue then that a machine could create perfection because it lacks human foibles, right? Wrong. Sure, a machine can be far more clinical, but it’s only as accurate as its programming or technology or construction — all of it human-made — and none of which can match Nature in complexity, nuance, and detail. Yes, it can look darned close but when you really know what you’re looking at, you see what’s not there due to the limitations of technology. This is why perfection will always (so far) be the goal and never the endgame in realism and why, quite literally, the only “creators” who make perfect horses are breeders! But all this is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? In all this magical messiness is the potential for diversity, discovery, curiosity, innovation, and surprising ourselves as we strive in the try. So like the speed of light, even getting close is pretty amazing!


In the end then, think of perfectionism as a tool, a means to an end rather than the end unto itself. It’s just like a screwdriver, a hammer, a computer, a paintbrush — it’s just a tool. We can therefore do what we want with it, right? We can pick it up to move forwards or we can put it down just to play or we can throw it clean out the window when we experiment with new things. Perfectionism should also be thought of as a process of renewal — renewal of our love and joy, of our Vision, of our goals, of our inspiration. It’s best when it’s rejuvenating rather than debilitating, so stay focused on the positives it provides and manage it away from its negatives. Also try to detach ourselves from our work a little bit. Yes, our art is a form of expression, but it’s also something we just do and not necessarily always a personal reflection on us. Indeed, if we can’t stand back from it a little bit, we’re going to literally paint ourselves into a corner and close ourselves off to progress. How? Well, we’ll just lose that necessary flexibility for rethinking things by making things too personal. And there’s this, too — our work should take on a life of its own. In many ways, we can think of a piece as an energy — an “inspiration” — that’s trying to make itself real through us, and sometimes we just have to step back and let it unfold and exist on its own terms. Sometimes we’re just vessels. So while we may have this “perfect” vision in our heads, it’s often better to remain open to new possibilities of perfect as the piece evolves in creation. Along those lines, think about reframing our efforts — even our successes and failures — away from ourselves and instead more about whether our Muse showed up or not. Because sometimes it goes into overdrive or it just doesn’t show up at all! That’s normal. Every artist has unexpected triumphs and bad art days. Our Muse truly has a hand in taking us closer or farther away from our goal, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you come up short. Life is a mystery and art is even more mysterious.


“Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve?"

Perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think?” 

- BrenĂ© Brown 


Above all though, be kind to yourself. It may be very tempting — and it’s very human — to denigrate yourself in the face of failure. Resist it. Give yourself space to make mistakes or fall short or just fall flat on your face. That’s part of the process, too! The important part is getting back up and back at it to give it one more try. Each piece will test your resolve and in new ways, so the point is to keep going, not necessarily always being “perfect.” In this, we can think of perfectionism as a Path, a Way towards the improvement we crave and if we keep it in this framework, it’ll remain our reliable workhorse rather than an angry, stampeding T. Rex. Also actively praise yourself and your efforts. Seriously. Take moments where you recognize and acknowledge what you’re doing well with a piece and take stock in how far you’ve come — because you have come very far, and with such moxie and panache! Pat yourself on the back every so often — it’s good for you and you art. 


On the other hand, there’s this, too — every artist, every single one, will work on a piece that ends up simply being a lost cause. For some reason, it just fails despite our best attempts. Our Muse just doesn’t show up. And that’s okay! So it’s important to recognize when this point has been reached so we don’t end up in a perfection trap trying to save it and drive ourselves bananas. Learn to be okay with starting over from scratch or putting a concept on the back burner until something about our knowledge base can play catch up. Sometimes it’s not the right time for an inspiration to be born.


“Embrace being perfectly imperfect. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself,

you’ll be happier.”

- Roy Bennett


And lastly, I don’t know if anyone has told you, but I’m very proud of you. You’re full of beautiful potential and there are people who love you and your art. Even those folks out there you don’t know, even those potential peeps who’ll go bonko when they do discover you and your art. Some things in our psyche can be geared to grind us down and stop us, but please know that your potential is wholly unique, so special, and has no limits. Just believe in yourself a little bit. Just a little bit. Because a little bit is all it takes. You’re so much more than you suspect and your art is so much more worthwhile than you believe. You’re doing better than you realize. It makes perfect sense!


“Isn’t it a relief to hear that what might not be perfect for you might

be perfect for someone else?” 

- Neeraj Agnihotri


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Friday, July 2, 2021

Demonslaying 101 Part VI


We’re back with Part VI of Demon Slaying 101, the wrap up. Since Part I we’ve explored different psychological quagmires that can get dredged up every time we create, focusing on the three seemingly most common ones of imposter syndrome, negative bias, and self-doubt. The thing is, these three can manifest in different ways with different artists which can make it seem like we’re each an isolated psychological island. We’re not. The challenges with creating art are similar and so the emotional load we each carry — our fears, doubts, anxieties, and regrets — is similar. So while our course is ours alone to sail, we sail a crowded sea! So many little boats. We’re kin. We're the same tribe. And therein we have a support system, but only if we’re willing to reach out and share of ourselves, yes? We can share our coping strategies, hard-won insights, and nuggets of wisdom to patch each others’ boats and come to see that even the very seasoned of us still struggle. Our battles are shared battles and there are ways to do battle better.


This, too, is critical to understand only because those demons never truly vaporize and never fully shut up. We can muffle them, we can sit with them, and we can even use their words to fuel different outcomes, but they’ll be periodically noisy in our heads. Part of our progress then is learning how to continue despite them and all established artists have mastered that hard-won, unspoken skillset. In this though, each and every one, whether they know it or not, has made a choice: To accept the noise rather than quit to avoid it. And they face that choice again and again. Yet consider this — which is actually more powerful? The love of creating our art or the discomfort that’ll inevitably come with it? As Elizabeth Gilbert remarks in her TED talk, the love of her art was stronger than the pain of her failure and so always “called her home.” May you always find your way home. For this then, I highly recommend these TED talks — seriously, listen to them closely and take them to heart:


Elizabeth Gilbert

Success, Failure, and the Drive To Keep Creating

Your Elusive Creative Genius 


Brené Brown

The Power of Vulnerability

Why Your Critics Aren’t The Ones Who Count


Now in that spirit, let’s reconsider these demons because if we just spin things a little bit, they become a backwards reflection of some pretty fantastic things! For starters, they prove that we’re intent and conscientious artists who are passionate about what we do. Hey, if we weren’t, we wouldn’t beat ourselves up so badly, would we? Nope! We’d be indifferent and bang out shoddy workmanship and hit artistic plateaus without a care. That says a lot of great stuff about us and our art, doesn’t it? Similarly, these demons steer us away from becoming arrogant, dismissive, or from taking things for granted. Really, it’s not such a bad thing to stay a little shook, to second-guess ourselves every so often, to have some uncertainty and doubt filter into our process. It keeps us honest, hungry, resilient, and quick to reconsider things, and that means we remain pliable, adaptive, evolving, and authentic. Confidence is a fine thing to be sure, but unchecked confidence risks a kind of hubris that invites chronic blindspots.


Even so, these demons can be brutes, can’t they? But in giving us a beating, they also show us how to be gentler with others, to become more generous, empathetic, supportive, and understanding. Imagine how much nicer a community we’d have with more of that? This isn’t to say that beating ourselves up now has an excuse, but if we pay attention to the bigger lesson as we ease up on ourselves, it wouldn’t have been in vain. Because, let’s face it, while we’re punishing ourselves, we’re also given the power to stop, right? To learn to be kinder to ourselves as well in turn? To cut ourselves some slack, too? It starts with a choice — as these things always do — and that choice can be shaped into a habit which can then grow into a frame of mind. Just keep at it.


Furthermore, if we learn to harness these demons to check and balance our progress, we gain an inner dialogue that can more strategically guide us. Really, our inner voices are our first chorus of critique, aren’t they? So why not put them to work! Because if we can more objectively evaluate our work and establish goalposts with their input, don’t we have the unprecedented opportunity to make huge leaps forwards? What does that mean practically speaking? Well, turn that inner critic into pro-active study, into research, exploration and artistic exercises. Don't just take it sitting down — convert it into action! For example, workshops, classes, seminars, and even visiting sculpture gardens and museums are a terrific way to gather buildable ideas for our inner critic to chew on. So yeah — okay — we don’t like what these demons are saying? Prove ‘em wrong! Or even better, prove ‘em right! Better? Yes! It means we made a precious mistake and — bam! — we’ve just learned something. So think of our inner demons as a gaggle of opportunities we can tap into for growth, artistically or personally.


These demons can also help us find new ways to gauge self-worth by teaching us the perils of seeking validation from others, shaping us into more confident, composed, centered artists. Because the thing to remember is this: The problem isn’t that these inner voices speak, it's how they speak, how strongly, cruelly, and persistently they speak that’s the real issue here. Everyone has inner doubts, but those with particularly harsh, loud, and insistent inner voices can become paralyzed, for good reason. So learn to manipulate them and we do that by dissecting what’s fueling them deep down. Did someone plant a bad seed in our childhood? Did we have a surprising failure rock us to our core? Did we lose our joy along the way — how? Have we gotten swept up in trends that don’t mesh with our sensibilities? If we’re feeling behind the times or overlooked, is that our insecurity talking instead of our reality? The thing is, these inner voices can also be thought of as a warning bell, an alarm that’s telling us something is very wrong in how we’re doing things. In this way then, these demons can actually lead to a reconciliation with those distracting things that impede our happiness to strengthen our dedication to our art in the long run.


It’s also crucial to remind ourselves that it’s going to take a lot of tries to take even one step forwards. None of it — the learning curve, success, fame, innovation — will come easily. In fact, some of it will come quite by accident or as a surprise, and a lot of it will come with curiosity, sacrifice, persistence, discipline, moxie, and hard work. There’s a lot of chaos involved in all this — nothing is predictable and so nothing should be expected. Always go into anything in this activity with intention without expectation. Stay as open as we can. Create work that we love to create and have fun making folks happy, but always remember to enjoy the experience and to learn whatever tidbits it offers along the way. That’s it. Yes, it’s fun to daydream about all those ribbons and even hope that one of our pieces will finally put us on the map, but it’s a crazy world out there with a lot of great work and a lot of different opinions. There’s also a lot of opportunities to explore all these things in different ways so stay open to happy opportunities that can help us share and grow. And talk to other artists about these issues. Get these concerns out into the open to raise awareness and find connection because we can find a lot of strength and wisdom in each other.


It also bears mentioning that creating great art rests on something unspoken: Sacrifice. A lot of it. We don’t talk about this often enough. Our development isn’t just what we put into it, but what we’re willing to carve out — time, money, resources, energy, or anything else we have give up to more fully invest ourselves in our task at hand. Indeed, we have to buy the materials and equipment — and good quality ones. We have to put in the time — tremendous amounts of time. We have to pour in the energy, discipline, and focus — inordinate amounts. We have to invest in our libraries, travel to classes, and pro-active research and innovation — oodles of it. And all that’s gotta come from somewhere, right? Even from our social life and family life and our ability to buy other things. Can we do this? There is no right or wrong answer here — we each have our thresholds — but how we answer can sometimes pre-determine the nature of our progress. Because if we cannot make those sacrifices, our development can be slowed and we need to make peace with that. Honestly, there’s just no way we’re going to progress at the same rate as someone who can more fully sacrifice what’s needed to make those leaps. For example, I’ve sacrificed an active social life to develop my art — that was deliberate. I’ve also invested in my reference library and in travel to workshops, classes, and retreats rather than buying other things. I’ve burned countless hours in research and study, and artistic exercises as well. And because teaching is a great way to learn, I’ve also sacrificed tremendous amounts of time, resources, and energy writing educational articles and blog posts and helping to run RESS. Every step forwards isn’t a manifestation of what I put into it then, but also what was sacrificed to allow that step to happen in the first place. Not enough folks understand this equation and so get frustrated when their development pulls up short compared to others. This isn’t a reflection of their skills per se, but an indicator of their investment level. Because — yes — traveling to that expensive class may be just the ticket to our improvement, but unless we can do that, we’re going to get stuck behind our own learning curve for a longer time. And that’s okay! Not everyone can just throw life into the wind, especially if we have families, work schedules, pets, financial limitations, and other obligations. The point then is this: Our assumed “ineptitude” isn’t necessarily our innate abilities but is probably more a function of those life constraints that keep us from making those sacrifices that would lead to developmental leaps. Quite literally, "that's life,” not us, and we need to keep from beating ourselves up for the wrong reasons.


Altogether then, our ultimate outcome all depends on how we want to react to these inner demons— and that first starts with a choice. We have to choose to keep going every single time we hit a bumpy road or even fall down. Get up. Dust off. Keep going. Again and again and again. Do that often enough and all that internal turmoil will begin to morph from an obstacle into fuel. All that unease and doubt can transform into conduits for confidence, better forms of validation, a healthier sense of self-worth, a way to foster gratitude, and a wiser approach to all this. They become a call to action rather than a robber of intent. Ultimately, those artists who prevail with any degree of sanity have found a way to coexist with their demons by developing counterbalances to stay centered. And those artists who excel even further have found a way to turn each of their fears into an asset that propels them forwards. For instance, fear of failure turns into research which morphs into creative exploration that ultimately accepts failure as part of this cyclical process. Or the poor feedback we get that makes us feel worthless, overlooked, or angry, we turn that energy into letting go of peoples’ opinions and the need for their validation to dive deeper into creating work that pleases us more freely and enthusiastically. Or instead of fretting over another artists’ success while we meet with crickets, work to develop our Voice more robustly to make our work more distinctive and exciting. Or if that monster self-doubt starts yakking again, we moxie up to meet the challenge, throwing down a gauntlet in front of ourselves. Heck — maybe even decide to do something completely out of left field to add more fun into the mix! Sometimes creative boredom can masquerade as a pesky action-stopper because it’s certainly amazing how heady inspiration can bulldozer right through any lingering sense of dread. So it’s all about conversion of the negative into a positive. Instead of denying that energy, transform it! Absolutely, if we can convert negative energy that impedes us into something positive we can use, we reestablish mastery of our experience and hopefully regain enthusiasm in our work. We’ll probably even end up happily surprising ourselves! 


Because here’s the thing — your art needs you. It simply wouldn’t exist without you creating it. No one in the full breadth of the Universe past, present, or future could ever be its pathway — you are its one and only conduit. That really important. That means something really special. So believe me when I tell you that your art matters. Even when things seem so pointless and devoid of joy, it still matters. In fact, it matters even more. Hold onto it closer and even if you don’t trust in yourself, trust in your art. Because as it needs you, you need it, right? For your own deep reasons, your art feeds something wonderful inside you, fills you up and makes your inner light shine just that much brighter. It really doesn’t matter then what others think of all this, does it? After all is said and done, other voices are really just incidental. This relationship has only always been — and will always only ever be — between you and your art. You represent a beautiful duality, a marvelous symbiosis of you and this astonishing, unique energy within you. You give each other strength, affirmation, meaning, and purpose. Meditate on that for a moment to remember just how amazing and precious that is.


Yet despite being bonded with our art, the act of creating something can still exist on a precarious edge, a fine tightrope to walk every step. That urge, that joy for arting can be endangered so quickly and easily, can’t it? Even just one careless comment — even from within ourselves — can inflict a pile driver of damage. And when that happens, that’s a very real crisis that speaks directly to our humanity, to the very root of who we are. Sure, we can tell ourselves “I’m just being mean to myself again,” or “I shouldn’t take things so personally” and perhaps that works at times. But in those cases where these fail, we need a first aid that only comes with a fuller understanding of our internal landscape as it relates to our art. In a very real sense then, we’re tasked with strengthening our bond with our art, entwining that connection so strongly and densely that it’ll weather anything life could throw at it. We need deep roots. So in this way, our art asks us to get to know ourselves better, doesn’t it? Asks us to work on reconciliation, on acceptance, on exploration, of rethinking and revisiting, and a host of other personal discoveries that help us reveal more of what we’re made of and who we truly are. As such, our art invites us to become more authentic versions of ourselves so it can be a more authentic version of itself — and it will always welcome us with open arms no matter who that authentic you turns out to be! As we do this then, we may learn to identify those thoughts, habits, lifestyles, and arenas that harm us, helping us to stake out a new inner peace and balance. Sometimes those parts of ourselves and our lives we don’t need anymore can camouflage themselves as a distracting demon — dump those aspects and we dump those demons, too.


When we get to this point then, we’ll probably find a goodly wad of chutzpah — because we need it. Lots of it. Guts. Daring. Spunk. Moxie. Grit. Tenacity. Audacity. Cheek. Pluck. Call it what you will, but it’s the nitro needed for our fuel. Because joy isn’t enough. Joy won’t protect us from the negativity onslaught but crumble, even disintegrate. What we need is something much stronger, something deeper, something when fostered to full robustness, becomes indestructible. We need love. In the deepest sense, creating art is fundamentally an act of love which is why it feeds the soul so beautifully. It’s why arting can be such a sanctuary, a rehabilitation, a re-fueling. So feed that love and we feed our art, right? But what we may not know is that love itself needs huge chunks of daring to really make it go boom! Just like it takes a tremendous amount of courage — of a willingness to make ourselves vulnerable — to love someone, arting does, too. So to keep our courage up, let’s remember five things. First, our art needs us just as much as we need our art. It needs our energy, our tending, our love, and our dedication — it cannot exist on its own. And in return for life, it offers us so much more — and we’re worth that. So second, our art is worthwhile —  we’re worthwhile — even if our demons insist that isn’t so. They’re lying. Our art is truly worth fighting for so get back into the arena and start swinging! Third, more people than we know are rooting for us because they love our art. They may not always speak up or we may not always hear them, but trust that they’re there and they’re waiting in bated breath to see what we crank out next. Fourth, being able to practice our art is a blessing, a gift. Yes — it’s easy to short-change ourselves because self-love can be really difficult at times granted, but we must remember that it’s through our art that we can find healing in all this, too. So just keep creating. And fifth then, understand that the more we art, the easier arting becomes, and the less we art, the harder it remains. So the solution for a dry spell? For fear and doubt? Just do art. Take a big gulp and do more of it. Creativity feeds on itself, inspiration propagates itself, discipline refines itself, and moxie shores itself up. Feed all that with love and our creativity becomes unstoppable, even by those demons trying to tackle us.


“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.”

~ Ben Okri


So protect that creative conduit and nurture it into unbounded growth! It’ll take work, it’ll take dedication and self-gentleness, and it may even make us uncomfortable at times as only the journey of self-discovery can, but trust the process. That light at the end of the tunnel was never a train, it was our art leading us with a lantern urging us onward. Don’t stop! As Churchill advised, “When you’re going through Hell, keep going.” When we’ve got a strong bond with our art, a better understanding of our authentic selves, a hefty dose of gumption, and a bold trust that we can make it through, we become the train plowing right over our inner demons.


Becoming demonslayers instead of hapless victims of our own design is just as crucial as learning how to use clay or pigment. In some ways then, the more telling — but backwards — measure of personal success in our niche perhaps can be achieving a robust amalgam of coping mechanisms because it means we’ve done something of note and we did it boldly and courageously. We “showed up” as BrenĂ© Brown would put it. And in doing so, we’ll learn that our boat is ours to navigate in our own waters, and with some insights and learned choices, we can ride out any stormy sea with relative ease to preserve our creative joy. 


So ultimately, our inner demons only have as much power as we’re willing to give them. But the thing to remember is this: They’re never going away because they’re the other side of the coin of our creative joy. All life is balance, right? So here’s the thing: Our inner demons may be manifestations of our darker selves, but that doesn’t mean they’re our more truthful selves. Cynicism, doubt, and negativity isn’t a function of being more genuine or more grounded in reality. Indeed, if they’re the other side of the coin, then there’s optimism, hope, and positivity on the other side that’s just as valid, right? Don’t let those demons dictate your reality! Don’t let them convince you that they’re speaking the real deal because, by definition, they cannot. Always wearing blinders, they simply can never see the full breadth of who you are and what you’re made of and how amazing your talent truly is. So if they start welling up again — and at times they will — remember this absolute fact: For every awful burden they bring, there’s a counterpart that’s just as true and real only we’re forgetting about it. Remind ourselves more often of those wonderful things as a habit — seek them out, focus on them, internalize them — and it’s brilliant just how quickly our creative frame of mind can change. It’ll take effort and constant vigilance, of course, but we got this. Sail n' slay on!


“Your art doesn’t exist to support you. You exist to support your art.”

~ Kiki Smith


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