So you made it! And you made it big! Whooo hoo! Good for you! You did it! You worked hard, you did your best, you made so many sacrifices, you were smart about things, you lucked out, and you’re now basking in the well-earned fame all your diligence and savvy brought you! It feels great, doesn’t it? Being acknowledged, appreciated, and praised — as it should! All those kudos and pats on the back — it’s an amazing feeling, isn’t it?! And the sky’s the limit now! Doors will open for you and new opportunities will present themselves, all you have to do is reach for them! So dive in and grab those brass rings by the handful! They’re yours to take! Snatch away!
Just be careful what you wish for.
See, fame isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Why? Because it doesn’t come for free. There’s a price to be paid, one that can chop you right off at the knees if you aren’t prepared. Fame is a funny thing. It can certainly lift you up, but just as quickly it can smash you down, and in ways you never anticipated. Why? Because people are people and that’s the tricky bit. So in the interest of navigating these new waters, let’s talk about these tricky bits to hopefully plot safer waters, because truly, just plunging into the fame game head first can get you into big trouble.
The Fate Of Hate
So you’re famous now and so you might be expecting lots of adoring limelight and congratulations. Which you will get, most happily! But you’re also going to get hate now. Be ready for it. Because here’s the hard truth: What sets you apart will make you a target. Have you noticed that anywhere someone shines a little brighter there’s always someone there to tarnish that shine? That where someone is living their passion someone is there to tear it down? That’s just the way of it — be ready. Haters are just gonna hate. The sad fact is that with some people, someone else's success, joy, and proficiency just makes them really uncomfortable and so the easy way for that to vent is through negativity. Just read the comments section of any highly successful creative — yikes. What’s more, some people just derive their energy from negativity, for whatever reason it's their life force, their default. Like there's a guy who's made a great, exciting living being a master with the yo-yo, yet the grief he gets on a daily basis because of it is truly astonishing! And Elyse Myers (@elysemyers) on TikTok talks about the terrible toll fame had on her mental health entirely because of hateful comments. Indeed, if social media has proven anything without a doubt, it's that this dynamic is a universal constant, one we can never escape. Truly, "everyone is a critic,” and so much so we could gauge our gains by how many haters show up to blast us. So yeah...now you have a perpetual comments section you cannot turn off that'll follow you everywhere you go.
So keep things in perspective. Always remember that haters just won’t like your successes, your accomplishments, your happiness, or your growth and evolution. Everything that fame will gift you are the very things your haters will pot shot so be prepared for mixed blessings. Also learn to dampen down that negative bias hardwired into our heads — focus on the positive! Indeed, when we ignore the piles of praise in lieu of that one negative comment, aren’t we seeing things from a skewed perspective? And are we honoring all that praise properly? You will never please everyone all the time, so just stop trying to pretzel yourself trying to do so. Let people have their negative reactions while you remain detached — just toss your curls and get back to work practicing the joy that feeds your soul so wonderfully. Something to think about. (I also recommend reading my previous blog posts Pickled Art and The Critic In The Creative Space for more discussion on these topics.)
Your New Life As The Other
So what does all this mean, practically speaking? Well, everything you say and do now will come under a different lens, one that can be filtered through a negative bias by those who have no interest in what’s best for you. Your words will also have more weight and your actions more potency simply because people will be paying keener attention to them and often with a filet knife in hand, ready to dissect and disembowel. People will also now spin what you say and do to fit their idea of you, an idea that’s typically incomplete or mistaken, and which definitely has no clue about who you really are and, frankly, doesn’t really care to know. As such, people are going to start talking about you, whether behind you back or in public or in earshot, and not all of it will be flattering — carelessly or even on purpose. In fact, it can be downright mean-spirited or thoughtless, and it’s absolutely devastating and traumatizing. Protect yourself with coping mechanisms and distance because our community has a mean streak, an undercurrent of cruelty that you’ll simply have to reconcile to protect your creative joy. Remember, people are people so try to rise above it.
This is because you’re now The Other, no longer “one of the people,” no longer the “little guy,” you’re now one of Them, you’re one of the popular crowd now. And in a community that’s primed already by exclusion — a lot of us are already outsiders and misfits in “real life” — that Otherness can be regarded in a problematic way. For instance, a lot of what you say and do now as a result of your fame will be thought of as you becoming egotistical, narcissistic, arrogant, “too big for your britches,” or “getting uppity” about things when all you’re doing is rationally protecting yourself and your interests, or even just trying to help. For instance, I’ve been called all manner of nasty things from “narcissist” to “arrogant” to “know it all jerk” simply for writing helpful articles and blog posts intended to help other artists realize their potential. Did I let that stop me? Nope. I simply wrote more. And another popular artist was lambasted for being “too big for her britches” and “snooty” for casting some of her work in bronze. Did that stop her? Absolutely not.
Boiled down then, your Otherness will precede you wherever you go, online or in life, so tread carefully and thoughtfully and, above all, be sensitive to how intimidating you’ve probably become to other folks. The thing is, while fame sure feels good to us, in others it can generate an intimidation factor that can really put a monkey wrench in your interactions. That's because while you may not have changed, people’s perception of you sure has! Stay mindful of that. And hey, I’m not immune either — I can get really awkward, shy, and aloof around those I fangirl over only because I’m so starstruck. It’s very a human reaction.
Infatuation with Objectification
In order to hatefully deride someone and their accomplishments, we first have to strip them of their humanity, don’t we? We have to dehumanize them first. And that can only happen when they’ve been objectified, something that unfortunately comes part and parcel with being The Other. Honestly, it’s alarming just how quickly and easily objectification happens because while what sets you apart will make you a target, it’ll also give others license to objectify you. No longer a real person but turned into a thing, people will then talk about you and your work with zero sensitivity or thoughtfulness, even in public, even in your presence, and may even lit into outright bashing. Why? Well, because haters are just going to hate, but even with the average person, you’re now no longer a real human being but some abstract idea and that can erase barriers of politeness and empathy rather quickly. Indeed, at WRC years ago, some random lady plunked herself down at my show table and proceeded to rip into my work unabashedly, loudly proclaiming the many of my pieces were "crap." No joke. It was surreal! Then again, people may even identify you with some rather unpleasant associations to boot. For example, many have a rather negative idea of a “BNA” or “Big Name Artist,” the term itself even betraying its pejorative past. Indeed, BNA is actually a derogatory term originally born as an insult and not as a descriptive. This is why you can still often hear that underlying resentment in those who drop the term.
Ultimately then, now all the filters will come off and people are just going to tear into you and your work as though you have no feelings or insecurities or fragilities and, well, no humanity. And trust me — you’re going to hear it eventually no matter how well you try to insulate yourself. Most things are within our earshot nowadays with social media and the grapevine. So be ready with those coping mechanisms and detachment. And again the best reaction is to simply get back to work. Indeed, that’s always the right answer. In response to hate, practice joy!
The Obsession with Opinions
Everyone is in love with their own opinions. It’s a love affair as old as time. Most of all though, you won’t find a more potent passion than between a hater and their own opinion! Oh, boy — do they indulge them. And if you notice, many haters will rationalize their poor behavior as “it’s just my opinion” as if that released them of accountability — and that tends to work more than it should. But because of the “it’s just my opinion” manipulation, the practice of hate is pervasive, almost inevitable. Why? Well, because the fact is many will resent your fame and since you’ve already been objectified and turned into an Other, you’re now the perfect target. So in this way, everyone and their dog will now have an opinion about you and your work, which is fine — it’s human nature after all. Just be ready for the onslaught, especially the negative onslaught. So learn to embrace the positive responses with gratitude and grace then let the negativity flow well away like water off a duck’s back. Really, just flat out ignore the negativity, don’t respond to it whether with your actions or in your heart. Unless you see a viable route to educate someone on a factual point, just let it all go completely. Oh heck...let it all go if you have to. Do whatever you need to do to stay sane. "I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free," said Georgia O'Keefe.
Looking at the big picture then, too many people confuse an opinion with a fact, and neither should you. Let people have their opinions — they’re going to have them regardless and you’ll never escape them. In response, just become really good at filtering them and sloughing off those that don’t serve your goals. This is actually a survival skill you’ll have to develop because if you don’t, you’re going to become mired in the sea of opinion out there and lose yourself and your sanity in those choppy waters. The hard fact is you’re never going to please everyone all the time, especially your haters, so just let that pipe dream go. The best plan then is to remember who you are and what your art is about then navigate your own course confidently and joyfully, in the process learning which opinions will ferry you along and which will sink you, and make peace with that.
Thirteen Survival Skills
So what can we do to pilot those rough waters when fame and success spill into our lap? Well, here are thirteen pointers that best seat you into your new throne to keep your reign a happy one…
First, fame can blind you so stay grounded. Don’t forget who you are, why you’re doing your art, and remember the joy it brings you. Hold that closest to your heart at all times because it’ll serve you well should you hit rough waters. What’s more, stay down to Earth, feet on the ground, head out of the clouds, and all that. Fame and success are exciting, but keep your feet flat on the floor — you can go for the wild ride and still wear a seat belt! And remember this too, our niche is obsessed with what’s new so once you hit that limelight, learn to share it graciously. And lift up your peers because they met their own challenges with high style, gumption, and courage, too. Above all, always be gracious, humble, and friendly, and thank everyone for the compliments they pay you. Indeed, learn to take a compliment well and never be dismissive or indifferent. It probably took a lot of courage for someone to pay you a compliment so honor it with sincerity, kindness, and gratitude. And try not to self-deprecate too much as some people can interpret that as not taking their compliment seriously.
Second, look at your newfound fame and success and consider what pieces did that for you — then make those pieces your new nonnegotiable baseline. Not that your work always has to match their nature, but absolutely, your work should now match that quality every single time, no matter how inconsequential the piece. No seriously — every single time. Consistency is key — don’t cut corners or ride on your fame! Without a doubt, you’re only as good as the last piece you created. Likewise, seek consistency in your policies and how you apply them, and even consistency with the tone of your social media presence. Appearing as a loose cannon, unbalanced, or unreasonable can backblow on you rather badly now.
Third, you’re going to have to work harder now on your art to innovate, expand your skillset, and develop your talents. Don’t be a “one hit wonder” — you have piles of great work inside of you so dig deep to pop it out! We’re all dying to see!
Fourth, advertise your famous pieces to garner more followers, subscribers, collectors, and connections. Make your fame work for you! Let the world know who you are and what you’re capable of doing. You’ve earned the kudos with your hard work, sacrifice, and talent — you've got the spotlight now, show the world what cha got! In other words, it’s okay to be proud of your accomplishments and it’s a healthy and positive message to convey.
Fifth, use social media to humanize yourself to counteract the pervasive objectification you’re going to encounter. Let people get to know you with all your adorable quirks and humor, vulnerabilities and fragilities. You’re human, so let that shine through in all the beauty that is you. Show the world the fuller depth of your wonderful self to re-humanize yourself to both chisel away at the intimidation factor and the objectification that’s stripped you of your humanity. So find some common ground and build from there. Practice good diplomacy and social graces, too, and seek positive connections, especially with those you suspect might be shy or intimidated.
Sixth, solidify and revise your policies and sales practices as needed. Don’t be afraid to even rewrite them from scratch as people banging down your door can warrant new ones. When formulating them, too, keep your boundaries front and center and be very clear with yourself about your limitations and tolerance levels. Think about your pricing, too. If you need some guidance on all this, asking the advice of other established artists, or studying their practices and policies is a great idea.
Seventh, don’t forget about those who helped you get where you are — ever. Each fan, diehard collector, friend, colleague, company, helper, showholder, podcaster, or family member that pushed you along to where you are now should never be forgotten. You didn’t do this alone. But by the same token, know your self-worth. Indeed, too many artists wait for validation from the world at large as if that could fill the void, but the truth is, you should value yourself first. Now every artist struggles with self-worth...it's part and parcel of being an artist and in some ways, your art is part of that struggle. We also wrestle with doubts, questioning ourselves so much. Are you worthy of your biggest, wildest dreams? Is what you're doing worthwhile? Is it even good enough? Does your work stand up to the effort needed to reach that big goal? Do you even deserve your success? And the answer to all that is always "yes." Yes — because you've rightly earned it. Yes — because you continue to do so with your best effort. Yes — because you know that all it takes is just a bit of moxie to achieve great things. Yes — because realizing your inspirations is good for your soul. You art is going to take you on an unfolding, open-horizon adventure but just be sure that what you're doing is always in service to your self-worth, too. You are enough and trust that you are.
Eighth, keep things in perspective. Fame and success can go right to your head, but never take it or yourself too seriously. Don’t become the legend in your own living room or the emperor with no clothes. Learn to shake things off, laugh at things, take things with a grain of salt, take a hit with composure, and savor the limelight with poise. On the other hand, remember that we never have an objective view of ourselves either and fame can really mess with that. Like that "horrible thing" you see in the mirror full of self-hate and self-repudiation? That doesn't exist. Well, it exists, but only in your head. It's not what many other people think of you, even now when you're at the top of your game. And you aren't a fraud either. You rightfully earned the kudos with your hard work and mad skills. And you aren't a one-hit wonder either. You have loads of great work inside of you just waiting patiently to get out. So boot that imposter syndrome to the curb — the only fraud in the room is that part of you that still thinks you're a loser and a charlatan. Because, look, we all have insecurity complexes. Every one of us, even the most super successful and famous among us. We're fragile and vulnerable human beings, and frankly, it's important to embrace that even more as our fame grows. But the pretty awful thing about fame is that it'll just take your self-doubt, ramp it up to eleven and then break the knob off, leaving you in your most vulnerable state but out in the open, unarmed and diving for cover. So the name of the fame game then becomes one of management through self-affirmation, self-love, and self-checking with a hefty dose of humor and some psychological distance from it all. Indeed, when we can step back and see The Big Picture of our lives, we gain a perspective that can keep us grounded and centered.
Ninth, treat what comes out of your mouth and off your keyboard with a lot more care because you can no longer just say whatever you want anymore. No seriously, you can’t. It’s a sure fire way to instantly implode all the standing you’ve earned. Indeed, I’ve seen decades old good reputations — beloved reputations — completely nuke themselves with a single bad post. Fame simply inoculates your words with a lot of added power, and one wrong comment out of your mouth can blowback with inordinate force now. “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” only applies to physics, not fame! Fame amplifies everything. So watch what you say and how you say it as it’ll have a lot more weight now. And always remember, never give someone ammunition they can fire back at you.
Tenth, never forget where you came from. As Wilson Mizner said, “Be kind to everyone on the way up; you’ll meet the same people on the way down.“ And with that never forget that it’s easy to get to the top but harder still to stay there — it takes dedication, hard work, vision, consistency, and good standing to stay on that crest so don’t let things slide. And don't ride on your fame either. You're only as good as the last piece you finished and every new piece is your comeback. Absolutely, as RuPaul tells us, now more than ever, “You betta work!”
Eleventh, learn how to navigate failure. Here’s the thing — you’re going to faceplant at some point, you’re just going to screw up. Your fame may have shot you right to the top, but that also means you have a long way to fall. Because every artist — every single artist — has a bad art day once and awhile. And hey, the truth is that we have to make a lot of bad art in order to make good art as we learn and evolve. Heck, many artists will tell you that they make a lot of mediocre art in the pursuit of making that one great piece from time to time. So hey, it’s okay to make bad art — it’s the process of growth and the mercurial nature of the arting beast. Learn to compose yourself and reconcile with that because the public, especially your haters, certainly won’t. Oh wow, they won’t! Every “bad” piece you ever create will garner a very public spotlight and will be dragged with inordinate fervor and people will dogpile. After the dust settles, you have to learn how to be okay through all that and learn how to maintain your creative joy to keep going. Brené Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert have given life-changing talks on this very thing that I heartily encourage you watch — no seriously, watch them:
The Power Of Vulnerability by Brené Brown
Why Your Critics Aren’t The Ones Who Count by Brené Brown
Success, Failure, And the Drive to Keep Creating by Elizabeth Gilbert
Your Elusive Creative Genius by Elizabeth Gilbert
Twelfth, remember this bit of wisdom: If someone isn’t your collector, be careful how much attention you pay them, how much power you give them. If you notice, there are plenty of people who’ll chime in about you, your work, how you run your business — whatever — but they aren’t your collectors. In fact, some will tell you straight up they never intend to be. So don’t focus on them, they aren’t your people. But sometimes that’s easier said than done, right? Artists tend to be naturally sensitive so while the malcontents aren’t the ones we should be listening to, they can sure consume an inordinate amount of our energy. (So many distracting voices in our heads!) So focus on your work and what’s right and joyful for you, strategically and aggressively. Absolutely and always, the Truth is in your work. Getting shamed or distracted by their nastiness is a grody rabbit hole. Stay outta there. Just always remember: The Truth is in your work. You are your best and most important advocate so believe in your Vision and what you're achieving — trust yourself. Focus positivity on your art with militant determination, steadfast optimism, and, above all, tactical humor, and you can muscle your way through it.
Thirteenth, learn to ignore haters or those who would deride you, just flat-out ignore the negativity and find a way to work past it. Don't even read the comments or just turn them off. Instead, do the thing that brings you joy, and do it to the nth degree. Indeed, "do what you feel in your heart to be right — for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't," advised Eleanor Roosevelt. (I recommend my previous blog post Moving Forwards With Fear for more discussion on similar topics.) Because if it beautifully drives your soul — do it, and then do more of it without apology, doubt, or hesitation. If you're going to be damned for something, might as well be something you love doing, right?
Wrap Up
Never forget that just as quickly as fame came, it can vaporize, too. This doesn’t mean that every piece has “to count” because — wow — that’s a lot of pressure, but it does mean you’ve got to maintain perspective on your fame and how it responds to your creative journey. Stay centered and never forget who you are and what your art is all about and, most importantly, never lose sight of the joy it gives you. Put another way, always remember to “come home” as Elizabeth Gilbert would say.
Because fame is very much like a double-edged sword, isn’t it? It can slice through barriers just as quickly as it can slice through you. It has the power to build and the power to destroy, asking us to wield it with wisdom, thoughtfulness, and no small amount of good humor. Yet as we grow, perhaps a better way to think of fame is as a bridge, as a means to build connection because it can open doors and provide a platform not available otherwise. In this way, we can use fame to expand our potential and opportunities, and to build new relationships that enrich our experience, our arts, and our entire community. In short, we can morph our fame, including all the negative energy that comes with it, into a positive output that benefits not only us, but also our collective experience. Really, if we stop feeding off our fame only for limelight adoration and start using it as a means to inject something reaffirming back into the community, we can do a lot of good with it. And it doesn’t have to be something involved, just great interactions with shy, intimidated fans or using it to fuel unprecedented artist growth is enough. Indeed, learning to take all that energy — good and bad — and converting it into a new kind that we can put to work is the best means to manage the whole crazy fame game. Because once you learn how to manage it, you’ve got your fame by the tail and it can never whip around to bite you again. And that’s what we want — all the benefits of fame without the trauma it can bring.
Just stay realistic about it all: The haters will continue to hate and naysayers will continue to bash and people will keep churning out their opinions, but you’ll have found a new centered self to ride all that out with poise and wisdom, a new, sturdier boat to pilot those choppy waters. Do that and fame no longer becomes an imposing focus but simply a strange, curious, almost absurd facet of your larger experience as your attention again returns to your arting where it really belongs. Once that happens, you’ve truly risen above it all in the most meaningful way and you can get back to work with joy and conviction. As such, your fame can best serve you now and you’ll have done it with grace, tactfulness, and good humor, certainly winning the fame game in fine style!
The price of fame is the cultivation of tolerance.
~ Mwanandeke Kindembo
